My Cup of Tea

And so, I filled up my cup of tea one last time, in attempt to drain the heart sinking noises I could not only hear but feel all around me, coming closer, almost overwhelming, threatening to take me back to that place where I was running from, that space where I just couldn’t be left alone else I’d fade into thin air and nothingness…

It was scary—it is scary, in fact!

It’s Monday morning, beauty! Wake up! It’s time to BEAST!☠️

In for the KILL!
Go BIG or go home!????‍♂️????‍♀️
Don’t dull!!!

These phrases keep running through my head on and on again, like the very refreshingly rejuvenating drink I just had moments ago, the sound of new music and creative chord progressions put together, so ELECTRIC, so fulfilling, I’ve never heard anything like it before, on and on it goes, I drink it and play it over and over again and again and again, until, it begins to sound like a broken record, and then it happens! No, no, no! Oh no!


It was so perfect a while ago, I was literally in cloud 9! What did I do now? What have I or have I not done to tarnish something that was once so beautiful, it made my heart sing… What!? I asked frustrated. ????‍
Then I think to myself, maybe I’m the one that needs fixing, ????‍


Maybe I’m the broken record that just can’t do right by herself, talk more of the people she cares about, not to mention the people she knows nothing about who know nothing enough about her to give a darn, (but would point their fingers???? anyway)….. They were getting closer, really close this time she could literally begin to hear their whispers so close that she could feel them encroaching underneath her skin, ugh! There’s no where to run to now!? Besides no where’s safe, cuz nobody truly cares anyway, and with that realization, she buries herself, one more time, tries to block out all the noises as she pours herself a cup of tea, just one more time, let’s zone off she says just you and me, my sweet little cup, let’s get ourselves straight, let’s put ourselves together and get back on track again, see where we missed it, what we did wrong, one sip after another, letting you fill me up to the brim, after all, you’re my cup of tea!

Is it true we go through the motions everyday cuz we’re afraid??? Too scared to fail, or fall short, by whose measurements or standards, we don’t know or don’t have the time to know, but!! we just wanna do right! First by him, her, them, all of them, then myself; Me – by me I’m referring to you- the STAR of the movie, your movie, your world.
Too many times we try to get to the next point of the ladder as tough as it gets using different coping mechanisms, choosing to, one; bury ourselves in our businesses or burying ourselves in nothingness; oblivion. Either way a burial occurs which is an occurrence that happens mostly to dead people.
And you’re not!
I’m not!
Infact, we are very, very, VERY, much alive!
Come to think of it, isn’t it enough that our natural thought process and reactions or lack of it whatsoever, is strongly influenced by the environment we were born into? Would taking the time out to COME ALIVE and choosing to connect with our innate self; reawaken and listen to our tender conscience, rewind, re-evaluate, recover, re-align to our true nature and calling be too great a task to accomplish? I mean isn’t that what we are so good at, setting targets and surmounting them?
Can we choose to reset ourselves this time, not by running away or hiding or burying ourselves but by embracing and caring and trusting, trusting the kindhearted love that lies in our hearts enough to serve as a compass to navigate through life and all that comes with it, amidst the hurdles and heartaches, taking it one sip at a time, this time, not from that tiny cup of tea, but from the ever flowing river and bowel of kindness and tenderness that dwells within…
To me, that is my surest bet! Cuz my little cup, can only fill so much.

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